Coping with anger when parenting through divorce

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Coping with anger.

One day when my son wasabout 9 years old he told me, 'Mom, when you're angry, it's just the tip of the iceberg, thereis usually a feeling underneath'.

He was right, but when we are angry, that concept is difficultto hold on to.

What is also true is that our thoughts fuel our emotions we don't have anexperience of anger without first having thoughts that fuel that anger.

Thus, if we want tomanage our anger, we have to control our thoughts.

Much anger comes from our inability to effectchange in other people.

We can't- we can't change other people.

What we can do is toeffect change in ourselves.

Instead of thinking 'He makes me so mad' try 'I can handle myselfin the face of disappointment'.

Instead of thinking 'She thinks she knowseverything' try 'I can problem solve effectively on my own'.

The more we control our thoughts,the better we manage our feelings.

Children experience anger too.

They usuallyexperience anger when they are frustrated and don't have control in a given situation.

Dealing with them calmly can help minimize the experience.

It is also not helpful to try to stop theanger, but to help the child to channel it into a way that doesn't hurt themselves oranybody else and teaches them how to transform the anger into problem solving.